i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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