and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
