just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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