there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
