I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
