Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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