This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
