I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
