I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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