I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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