A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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