Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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