The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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