so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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