how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
