It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
