If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
