The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
