Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
