My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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