the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
