If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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