how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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