you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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