he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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