Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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