I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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