I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
