I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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