I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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