So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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