I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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