my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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