Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
