I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this will be a night to untag.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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