he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
