If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
