wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
