that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
