I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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