I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
