There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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