Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
