Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
