I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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