Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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