4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
