I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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