i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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