I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Drake has all the answers
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize