well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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