OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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