Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
