Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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