A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
These tits shall not be calmed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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