im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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