Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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