I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
