He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
