After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will be naked everywhere
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
