I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
