my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
