I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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