He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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